Wednesday, October 24, 2012

unintended kid humor...

Several years ago I decided to keep a log of some of the funny moments that I have experienced with the kids. I have a slew of horror stories and tales that quickly rip the heart out of any compassionate human being, but I also have the humorous times, amazing triumphs and the victories. 

A ten year old boy sitting in front of me has his usual scowl placed perfectly on his dark skinned face. That particular day he was angry at his teacher for assigning homework for the night. To be perfectly honest, he was angry every day. I was administering a test and of course he was far from amused. He sat across the rectangular table from me as I read questions aloud and he was to deliver verbal answers. 

Question: What color is the small grey dog?
His answer: (Immediately after asking my question the boy violently stood up flinging his chair back, raised both hands and slammed them on the table palms first with immense fury.)            I DON’T HAVE A DOG!

Nine year old boy who was known for his comic relief was asked a question for testing purposes.

Question: What color is the small grey dog?
His Answer: (With FERVOR!)          White!

A ten year old girl with pigtails and a bow on her dress sat perfectly in her chair at the kidney bean shaped table.

Question: What color is the small grey dog?
Her Answer:    Small, definitely small.

A sixteen year old boy attending an inner city school who came from a fairly dysfunctional background was working with me on a very cold morning. He was a nice kid, appeared bright and was considered the best athlete in the school. I was reading him a list of words and asking him for the definitions.

Question: What does transparent mean?
His answer: (He thought for a minute with his chin in his hand as his fingers caressed his cheeks. I watched and could visibly see the answer move to the front of his brain. His head popped up out of his chin and with pride he answered.)     Transparent is when your mom becomes your dad!

Thirteen year old boy sat before me in his basketball shorts and jersey. He was a shy kid, didn’t make much eye contact and tended to not talk around adults much.

Question: What does transparent mean?
His answer: (He continued to look at the white floors tiled in the room and turned slightly away from me before he spoke.)   I don’t think I am supposed to talk about that.

Nine year old boy full of confidence sat before me on a January morning.

Question: What are the requirements for someone to become the President of the United States?
His Answer:    You must have a driver’s license.

A seventeen year old boy who was generally considered a bully was asked to define a few words.

Question: What is the definition ofvictory?
His Answer:    Sexy! …. Just like Victoria Secret… she is          HOT!
Question: What is the definition oftentacle?
His Answer:    I don’t know how to explain it, but I have two           of them.
Question: What does the word nomadmean?
His Answer:    I don’t really know, but I would be no mad if I had that Victoria Secret lady.

Just a few of the joys that keep me smiling and tromping forward.

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